Update on "Mark"

Thank you for your prayers for my student, I'll call him "Mark", who accepted Christ Wednesday night at bible study. Thursday was a bad day and I was wondering what God was doing. Mark would not listen in the classroom and refused to do any work. The master teacher had to call his mother who came swiftly and cursed Mark out in the hallway, sending him back into the classroom crying. I was so upset and wondered why his conversion didn't change his behavior.

It took me a while to realize that "Mark" probably does not know what it means to be a Christian, and that his discipleship will be a long process. I am not exactly sure how to disciple this child, but I will try my best and illicit the help of those attending the World Impact Church.

My cousin and I prayed for "Mark" today before school. We prayed specifically for his behavior and that he would have peace in the classroom. PRAISE THE LORD!!! He answered our prayers and Mark's behavior was much improved; his brilliancy really shined today through his interaction with others and his work in the classroom. Before I left, I asked him if he wanted me to pick him up for church on Sunday and he nodded. Then he said, "Miss Hill are you going to bible study on Wednesday too?" I told him I was...I look forward to seeing his growth in Christ and his journey in becoming a man of God.

Shalom!

Welcome a New Little Brother in the Kingdom!!!!!

I am so spiritually and emotionally exhausted, but I had to write about this. I went to the projects today to pick up one of my students to bring him to bible study at the World Impact Church (because I go to the church, I can get away with picking up the kid because I do not affiliate myself with the school and I am acting as a church member). This specific child has been having problems acting crazy in school for a while (calling girls ***** and the like). In addition, I have suspected for some time now that he is being attacked by demons.

When the child and I got to the church, we played football for a while. He was so sweet and told me how I should be throwing and catching the ball correctly. He played with the other children there but he never went too far from my side. I went to the children's bible study so I could be with him, and so that I could help out if needed (I met a couple of really cool people my age who were also helping). At the beginning of the class, the teacher asked the students if any of them had not asked Jesus to come into their hearts. My child raised his hand. Another helper and I took the three kids who had raised their hands outside to talk with them about Jesus. After we all talked in a group. I asked if I could take my child aside separately as he appeared to be the most interested in asking Jesus to be in his heart.

I asked him if I could cast demons off him and his home (I explained to him what that was), and he said yes. After I cast the demons out, he asked Jesus to forgive him of his sins (he listed specific sins he had committed in the past. Then I prayed that Jesus would come into his heart. I explained to him that accepting Jesus allows you to be a new person in Him. I also told him that unlike his father (who left when he was little), Jesus will never leave his heart. After we prayed I asked him how he felt. He said, "I feel like I'm gonna cry." He said it was a happy kind of crying. When I asked him why he was happy, he said, "I don't know, I'm just happy."

Please be praying for this child that he grows in his knowledge about and love for the Lord. Please also pray that Jesus would use me to help this child grow in his faith and discipleship. I love this child and I would like nothing more than to see my little brother in heaven one day. If you would like to know the child's name so you can specifically pray for him, please just call or text and I will tell you (I want to keep all children's names confidential in my blog)

Peace out!

My soul

This week I felt like throwing up a lot! I know that is kind of a nasty reference to make but as my blog states, I'm just keeping it real. I sat with a nine-year-old "problem child" as he cried about feeling unloved and alone. It's just so messed up. I feel like I will never be able to do enough, and at the end of the day that realization humbles me. It's like going into a dark room with only one candle; it doesn't feel like you can make any leeway; it feels hopeless at times.

I feel spiritually drained, and am therefor more susceptible to attacks from the enemy. He tells me I'm not a good teacher and pushes me to compare myself to others (resulting in devastation and heartbreak). He tells me that nobody cares about me and tells me things about myself that are not true. He encourages me to stay timid around people I want to get to know. I know I need to be staying in the word of God because it is my only offensive weapon in this war, but my time with Him seems to be dwindling and I am only communing with Him right before bed, when I am already tired. Nevertheless, I am glad that I have the Word in me, because it helps me to see God's truth in everything I am dealing with.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,'" declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This verse encourages me that God has a plan for me specifically. I am made unique, with a special purpose. I am who He made me to be.

Psalm 32:10 says, "Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him." This verse encourages me that even if nobody else, in the world loved me (which I know is not true), the fact that the God of the universe chose to love me with an unfailing love would be good enough.

2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." This verse reminds me that God created me to be bold about Him, not timid.

I have to keep hitting myself with Scripture, because it is the only way I will not believe the lies bombarding my soul. Please pray for the state of my soul, and for my students, that they would come to know about the truth and hope that can only be found in You. I am so grateful I know Jesus, because I know that without him, my soul would have already been consumed by Satan's foothold in this community.

Spiritual Warfare

This week I have become aware that the community of Watts is demonically oppressed. Gasp if you must but it's true. I don't know how else to explain the child abuse, sexual molestation, and ultimate neglect of my students, generational drug and alcohol abuse as well as gang affiliation, and an overall sense of hopelessness and stagnant behavior. I find myself in a spiritual war every time I exit Wilmington from the 105 freeway and turn right on Grape Street. My cousin (who is moving to Watts with me this summer) and I had a long talk about the issues our students faced each day and its connection to the spiritual realm.

We realized that we would be behaving much differently if we had glasses that let us see into the spiritual realm. If we put on those glasses every day when we went into Watts and think we would see something like this:

As I turn on Grape Street, there would be so many demons hovering over the projects that I would not be able to make them all out. It would just look like a black cloud descending. Demons would be coming in and out of individual apartments as people moved about. They would be grabbing onto people's ankles, making them walk slowly and feel downtrodden. The would slip into children's backpacks as they got ready for school. They would possess parents causing them to abuse and neglect their children. In the classroom, demons would be making children tired and distracted. Children possessed by demons would have blank stares on their faces and would appear as if they were literally the living dead. Demons would be doing anything to the children (causing them to get into fights, have sex in the bathroom, tag on the walls etc.) to make them fail.

No more! I have come to realize that I can not see this community as merely one with physical needs. This is not a physical battle (although I am will be in the middle of a literal war zone); it's a spiritual battle (all out warfare). The demons are staring me down asking, "What are you going to do about it?"

That's a good question! I will PRAY! I will denounce Satan's foothold on this community and in my current classroom. I will cast demons out of my classroom in the name of Jesus and while I'm at it, I will cast them out of my students in the name of Jesus.

All I'm going to say is WATCH OUT SATAN! NOW THAT I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING, YOUR POWER OVER THIS COMMUNITY WILL BE RENOUNCED IN THE NAME OF JESUS. YOUR DAYS OF CONROL OVER THE COMMUNITY OF WATTS ARE LIMITED. PACK YOUR BAGS AND BE GONE!

But I Can't Stop Thinking About Them

Reflecting on my first week of student teaching, I can say that I am truly blessed. I prayed for a good relationship with my Master Teacher, and we get along great! I even saw our relationship improve as the week went on (and as I was more consistent in my prayers). I prayed that everything would run smoothly when I was in front of the class, and although I haven't been teaching that much yet, God has granted me this prayer as well. He has given me favor with my students and they know better than to mess with Miss Hill. In fact, a student who is in my class because another teacher couldn't handle him, has become one of my favorites (if that's allowed), and I even got a hug from him yesterday (a big deal for "tough" boys).

This week has also been a week of firsts. I was able to walk around Imperial Courts Housing Projects for the first time with one of the counselors at the school who has (by the grace of God) taken me under his wing. It was my first time hearing mother**** f**** b**** come out of the mouth of a 9 year old. It was my first time having to question everything that came out of my students mouths, knowing that they were probably lying to cause drama.

I fell even more in love with the children of Watts and with the community as well. I suppose I can compare this love to a love I could have for a boyfriend. When you are in love with someone, you never want to leave them and when you finally have to, you feel a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. That's how I feel when I am in Watts. I am on a high anytime I am in the community and I dread having to leave. I totally broke down a couple nights ago, because I did not want to be living in Whittier; I wanted to be back in Watts.

I woke up this morning with my students' faces running through my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about them and wondering what they were doing this weekend, if they were safe, and who was influencing them. I thought about one boy in particular who hangs around the gangs in Imperial Courts. I wondered what lies they were telling him and whether or not he was believing them. I thought about how he came to school with no jacket (in the rain) because he didn't have one. I remember his face when he walked in the classroom yesterday morning. It was worn and sullen and reflected his home environment. Maybe thinking about my students this deeply will make me crazy, but I can't help it; I love them.

But here I sit, in my apartment in Whittier dreaming of Watts. Only five more months until I move there, but until the...I can't WAIT for Monday!!