My soul

This week I felt like throwing up a lot! I know that is kind of a nasty reference to make but as my blog states, I'm just keeping it real. I sat with a nine-year-old "problem child" as he cried about feeling unloved and alone. It's just so messed up. I feel like I will never be able to do enough, and at the end of the day that realization humbles me. It's like going into a dark room with only one candle; it doesn't feel like you can make any leeway; it feels hopeless at times.

I feel spiritually drained, and am therefor more susceptible to attacks from the enemy. He tells me I'm not a good teacher and pushes me to compare myself to others (resulting in devastation and heartbreak). He tells me that nobody cares about me and tells me things about myself that are not true. He encourages me to stay timid around people I want to get to know. I know I need to be staying in the word of God because it is my only offensive weapon in this war, but my time with Him seems to be dwindling and I am only communing with Him right before bed, when I am already tired. Nevertheless, I am glad that I have the Word in me, because it helps me to see God's truth in everything I am dealing with.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,'" declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This verse encourages me that God has a plan for me specifically. I am made unique, with a special purpose. I am who He made me to be.

Psalm 32:10 says, "Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him." This verse encourages me that even if nobody else, in the world loved me (which I know is not true), the fact that the God of the universe chose to love me with an unfailing love would be good enough.

2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." This verse reminds me that God created me to be bold about Him, not timid.

I have to keep hitting myself with Scripture, because it is the only way I will not believe the lies bombarding my soul. Please pray for the state of my soul, and for my students, that they would come to know about the truth and hope that can only be found in You. I am so grateful I know Jesus, because I know that without him, my soul would have already been consumed by Satan's foothold in this community.